Defining Alive: Our Pact
by Loves Ironic Tragedy
Summary: First part in Defining Alive. Roxas' world-Sora's Antiverse-is dying. So he calls on Sora for help that only a Keyblade wielder can offer. Roxas' lust for Sora is dangerous though, and might just cause more problems than they'll solve. Dark SoRoku
1. I

**Defining Alive: Our Pact**

**One**

_I never appreciated what I had in life—always focused on the fact there was something I wanted but didn't have, had but didn't want._

_Things constantly turned on me._

_They expected so much of me… all because I have this stupid sword. They call it a 'Keyblade'; say I'm its rightful owner and no one else can wield it. It was a birthday present when I was ten years old. Why anyone would want it, I don't know._

_Maybe they're just crazy. Like I said, I don't know._

_So this is why I will end my life: so that someone new can be the possessor of the Keyblade—so that he can protect the world with what he has as the Unknown comes after us all; so that he can do the job only I do; so that he can carry this cross on his back._

_This cross is not mine to bear- not anymore._

_To whoever finds this note: take the Keyblade protect this world when I could… would not; it's what you must do._

**X**

The final statement seemed to say everything that needed to be said. His friends would be disappointed, of course, but by now they were just miniscule in the grand scheme of all the problems that he had accumulated. By this point, none of the things that used to matter to him made sense anymore. Most of his life was a blur. Most of his time was wasted on empty promises that couldn't be kept and pathetic sentiments that held him to this world. All of those emotions he had adopted, convincing him that this peace in the midst of war could be real, were utterly pointless. Yes—the Grand Scheme of things tends to be a bit more devastating than not.

In time, though, none of this would matter because he fully intended on taking his life here and now. Freedom is what he wanted. Death is how he planned on getting it.

He stared down at his blade, lying flat next to him. Its hilt is thin but makes for good defense. Its blade is almost four feet long, made of the finest solid silver that the smith from his former excursion crafted specifically for him in hopes that the Unknown could be defeated. This blade glowed with a smoky aura, specializing more in strength than anything.

He's always preferred speed to strength, but strength to everything else. It runs in the family. Correction- it _ran_ in the family before he decided to end the tree with himself. He never intended on falling in love or having a relationship. Who would care if he disappeared mysteriously one day anyway?

No one. Seven years with that stupid sword brought him nothing but loneliness. Seven years with that malicious weapon made him do things he never thought he would. Besides, his glory days were over and there was no point to sticking around.

He bound the note to the hilt of the Stairtail and swung the sword around a bit. This was goodbye. Hopefully whoever this thing chose to call its owner would be able to deal with the pressure. Lord knows he couldn't.

He grabbed the gun from under his bed and pulled the trigger. The final thought before he drifted into darkness, "So it begins."

**x**

He was supposed to be dead. He should have died when he pulled the trigger.

So why did he wake up the next day with no gun in hand, no weapon in sight? He pushed himself up and looked at his hand. In a flash of light, that goddamned Keyblade summoned itself into the brunet's hand. Brown spikes of hair flopped over his head. Crystalline blue eyes scan the room. It looks the same as it did yesterday and the day before that. His tan is somewhat faded.

His name is Sora. He is the Keyblade's chosen one. A difficult title and reputation to maintain, it is, but he has somehow managed to keep up an image all this time. If he hadn't succeeded, people wouldn't keep expecting things of him like they did; not that he minded responsibility—he just minded this one because it absolutely sucked.

He pushes himself out of bed and tosses his Keyblade to the floor, not wanting to see it more than he has to. If he's alive an moving, it means he can't even kill himself right and the world _still_ needs for him to take on the Unknown. He walks down the hallway with this in mind, groaning in displeasure.

"Mom? Dad?" the boy calls out, peeking around corners into the spare rooms around the second floor. Other than his footsteps, the house is silent. He puts a hand on one of his hips and stares at the wall.

_Where are they? _"

"Mom! Dad!" he yells. No response. He sighs and rolls his eyes. His gaze lands on a piece of white paper with a black arrow pointing down the hall drawn on it in sharpie. "What _is_ this?" he wonders follows the arrow down the hall, taking careful steps. Another note is posted, pointing down the stairs. Sora trails down the stairs, paying mind to the soft _thuds_ his bare feet make as they push into matted tan carpeting. He stalks all the arrows to the downstairs master bathroom that his parents claimed for their own.

The flooring is ivory, the walls a burnt orange. The lighting is ambient, sensual. It'd be darkly romantic if he weren't freaked… alone… in a silent world. The large tub is made for multi-person bathing. The shower is foggy. The air is thick, heavy, and muggy.

_Did someone just take a shower?_

Sora looks at the mirror. It's covered in condensation. The floor is dry. All the surfaces are dry, but the glass is all coated in mist. The mirror has water running down the side, dripping into the sink. On the small window above the tub is another piece of paper. It has words written on it noticeably from a short distance. Sora carefully walks over to it. Before he gets too close to it, he summons his Keyblade to his hand, taps it against his ankle.

When he looks at the paper, there aren't a bunch of sentences written. There's only one word, but it's written over and over. All the paper says on it is _Sora_. Sora's eyes twitches. _Someone has a creepy obsession_.

Curiously, he brushes floppy brown spikes out of his face. When that fails, he blows them out of his eye which, for whatever reason, works better than just pushing them away. He tiptoes cautiously around the bathroom. When he doesn't find anything at all, he sighs.

"This is stupid," he grumbles.

A deep chuckle rumbles in his ear, emanating from somewhere within the house. It rides a gust of invisible air out of the room.

Sora shivers. That laugh… so familiar, but so dark and so… sexy..? No… not sexy… Welcoming? Yes. Sensual and welcoming, the menacing laugh emits from the halls once more.

"Who's there?" Sora calls out, turning his head this way and that.

"I am nothing," a voice that matches the laugh claims. "Or perhaps I am everything."

Sora backs himself against the outer shower wall, protecting his backside in case whoever No One is decides to hurt him. Sora summons his Keyblade to his hand and holds it attentively at his side. "Who are you?" he asks.

The doorknob of the linen closet rattles and from out of it emerges a boy his age with dishwater blond hair, cerulean blue eyes, and a facial shape the same as Sora's. He's a bit taller and is wearing baggy pants with a checkered sweatshirt over it. His smirk is deadly. His folded arms are toned. The impish gleam in his eye is deadly. When he speaks his voice is that of a normal teenager.

"Hello, Sora. My name is Roxas and I'm your dark side," the boy introduces himself.

Sora raises a brown eyebrow and tries to hide, but there's nowhere to go. How is he supposed to run? The bathroom is a drenched maze, victimizing anyone who dares to race through it. Sora tries to find an escape route without making it too obvious that he wants to get away from this boy. Something about him is off-putting.

"My… dark side," Sora repeats. He points the Keyblade at the other boy. "That's funny. I don't have any darkness."

Roxas laughs coldly. "Everyone has darkness in them, Sora. Don't pretend that you're an exception, Mr. Big Keyblade Boy."

Sora scowls. "Get real! I have no darkness. The Keyblade chose me because I'm not evil like _you_," Sora accuses. He drops the key to his side.

"Don't get your stomach in a knot," Roxas snorts. In a flash of white light, a Keyblade appears in his hand. Sora's jaw drops. Roxas smiles. "See? You're not the only one with a giant key."

"Why do you have the Keyblade?" Sora yells, aiming his at Roxas' face.

Roxas merely puts a hand on the tip of the key and pushes it down so it's not directed at his face. "I already told you, I'm your darkness. Geez kid, calm down. I'm only here because I need your help."

Sora lowers his weapon so the key grazes the tiled floor. It makes a discordant scratching sound. "What do you want?" Sora asks uncooperatively.

Roxas sends his Keyblade away and sits on the edge of the bathtub. He leans back and dips his hand into the water. It's steaming. Sora wonders when the tub even filled up. It had been empty. Now the bathroom was fully steamed up, clouds rolling along the floor and clinging to the ceiling.

"You," Roxas states, "I want you." Sora's Keyblade disappears as his face turns bright red. He opens his mouth to say something, but Roxas interrupts him. "Not like that, stupid," Roxas says with a friendly smile. "My world is dying, that's all. I can't fix it alone."

Sora blinks. _His world is dying? He has a world? Why does he need_ my _help? _"What are you talking about?"

Roxas grimaces. "Right… I'm sorry; I forgot you're not supposed to know about me and my world." He smiles wickedly. "I just love breaking the rules."

Sora nods awkwardly, still confused. "Uh… huh… You're crazy," Sora decides.

He heads toward the bathroom door, about to leave. Before he can grab the knob, Roxas – in an inhumanly speedy movement – blocks the door and leans on it nonchalantly. He sharply turns and pins Sora to it, sapphire eyes gleaming. Sora's lighter, Clearwater blue eyes sparkling in alarm.

"I'm dying," Roxas admits. Sora only nods in acknowledgement of the statement. Roxas whispers hotly in his Other's ear, "If I die, you're going down with me. Get the picture?" Sora swallows hard. He nods stiffly. Something about Roxas rubs him two ways—the right way, and the _very_ wrong way. "I can't let you die, Sora."

After a few long minutes, Roxas pierces through Sora's innocent, unsuspecting gaze, knowing that if anyone can get through to his other half it would have to be him. And no one else in his world could wield the Keyblade. Yes, Sora and Roxas are two of a kind. They're the only ones with the true Keyblade and the only ones who could save any world single-handedly.

"So, Sora," Roxas talks, spinning away from his lighter counterpart, "Are you in?"

Sora sighs, trying to regain full awareness. "Do I have much of a choice?" he asks, smiling sheepishly. It doesn't touch his eyes.

Roxas' disappointment is visible. He loves it too much when the real Sora smiles. It _is_ after all one of the only reasons Roxas elected to ask for Sora's help. As long as he doesn't make it too obvious that he's permanently, unrequitedly in love with his other half, no one in his world should think anything of it. Sora would never understand Roxas' love. Sora wasn't a genius like Roxas. Sora wasn't as heartless and unforgiving as Roxas. And Sora definitely wasn't going to take Roxas' situation as seriously as Roxas would.

The same disappointment spread his features once more. Sora isn't the best – because Roxas thinks _that highly_ of himself, putting his own strength above his original being's - but sometimes, you just have to settle for second best. If second best means dealing with a boy so self-centered he'd attempt suicide (the act that gave Roxas access to this world) then to save his world – and himself like the self-centered bastard he is; he gets it from Sora – second best would have to do just this once.

.

Not long ago, I gave up **hope**.  
But you came along and gave me **something** I could hold onto.  
And I **want **you more than you could **ever **know.

.

**A/N:** Don't you love it when someone you love starts a new story? I put up a smaller excerpt of this but decided not to use it as the first chapter and finished the rest of the chapter so I could work with it more. If you haven't noticed, I suck at third-person perspective. -.-' I try, but it's not good enough. Agree with me?

Also, if you read this, please review it. I don't want to be one of those authors with the unfaithful readers that skip over chapters at a time or stories at a time and pretend to have read all their work. Don't be a poser. Be cool. Get laid. Click the review-y button, even if it's just to say you think I should continue this or ZOMFG SCOTTY'S A SUCKISH SELLOUTTT!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sora, Roxas, or the Keyblade (or any other characters I decide to add for that matter; 'less they're OCs). I also don't own the Cobra Starship lyrics, i.e.: The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime).


	2. II

**Two**

_I've been having these weird thought lately. Like, is any of this for real or not…?_

_Is the sky blue?  
Is the grass green?  
Are apples red?  
Are oranges… orange?_

_And I want to think that all of this is a far-off memory like a scattered dream or a scattered dream like a far-off memory. I want to line the pieces up—yours and mine._

_Your pieces are mine; my pieces are ours.  
When we line them up at last, we will be one._

Sora stares at his reflection in the lake, water rippling as his toes curl into the sand, bare feet scraping against rough rocks. The scratches are starting to hurt, but he is far too deep in thought—thought about the Keyblade, thought about why his suicide didn't work, and thought about what Roxas said.

…Roxas…

When Sora sees himself, he begins to see Roxas' imaging morphing from his own. Each time the blond boy's face appears in the water, Sora makes a deal of smacking it away. For some reason it makes him feel guilty, as if he really _is_ shooing Roxas out of his life. He only came asking for help. What's so wrong about that? To Sora, everything is wrong with that. For all he knows Roxas could be a part of the Heartless he constantly has to face in perilous battles against those and creatures of the Unknown.

On the other hand, Roxas could summon the Keyblade. That must count for something.

Sora sights in frustration. Why does this have to be so damn difficult? Why couldn't things just be simple and there be no darkness to fend off in the first place? There would be no Keyblade and no evil. Everything would be calm. Everything would be simple.

"Sora!" a girl's voice calls out to him. Sora squints, staring across the loch to see Kairi in a small pink number with a tall, slouching Riku. An untouchable smile graces Sora's lips. He waves to them. "Sora, come here!"

Sora, smile unwavering, dashes up the shore. His numb feet clap the sand, which slowly becomes dirt. The higher up land he runs, the grassier it gets. Then he jogs around the loch until Kairi and Riku are clear sights. He slows down to a brisk walk. Kairi meets him halfway and throws her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. Sora blushes, shyly returning the kiss on the side of her face.

"Hey Kairi," Sora greets like an _average _teenager would. He wraps his arm around Kairi's shoulder like an _average_ teenager would and she snuggles into him like an _average _teenage girl would snuggle into an _average _teenage boy.

But Sora is far from average; so far from it in fact, that this exchange between them appears awkward, like it would between two friends who were attempting a relationship. This is precisely what they are, too. Someone pointed out how great they are for each other and that all wonderful relationships start out with steady friendships.

Sora had snorted. In a childish way he stated that, "If that were the case I'd be in love with you."

The other half of the conversation, his _real_ best friend had said, "That doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

Sora had blushed. He considered that a standard _Riku_-_type_ comment in which one person was the victim and he was always the object of the victim's affections. In most cases, Sora would play the victim. He always paid no mind to it. He had never fallen in love, never fallen in like, or any of those things. He never liked life enough to want a relationship that serious. The closest people he had were his parents and the two people here at the loch with him now. Those were the only ones that mattered. Everyone else could burn in hell.

Well, except maybe Roxas.

"Hi Riku," Sora hails with an unfaltering smile. It doesn't touch his eyes.

Kairi doesn't notice, but Riku does. He peculiarly raises a silver eyebrow to his companion. Sora returns the gesture. "What's wrong, Sora?" Riku asks, concerned.

Sora blinks causelessly, seemingly unfazed. "Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"

This translated into: _please kill me? _That doesn't mean he really hates himself, really. It just means he hates Roxas. He hates that Roxas showed up – out of nowhere – and told him that his world is dying. What kind of guilt trip is that guy trying to pull? What kind of sick, twisted joke is Roxas trying to pull? It has to be a joke. There are _tons_ of other worlds in the universes. Could there truly, possibly be an anti-universe where Roxas lives? Does Roxas even exist, or is he just some figment?

So many questions there are to be asked. So many questions without any answers hang in the thickening air around Sora and company. Riku and Kairi would not have the answers. There are so many questions—so many answers to be discovered. None of them he will find here. Where does he have to go? What does Roxas expect of him? There has to be more than one Keyblade wielder that Roxas could have asked for help.

Hundreds of worlds, dozens of universes, and only two people could summon the ultimate weapon of light? No chance. Sora refuses to believe that as true. There are, obviously, so many places that another Keyblade wielder could be hiding. Why would Roxas not just go get someone more qualified that actually gave a shit?

What is he saying? Sora gives a shit about Roxas, just not the situation he's in. If Sora loses Roxas, he'll – apparently – die. Nothing that insignificant is worth dying over. And with that thought, Sora decides he'd be honored to help his other half stay alive.

"Sora..? Sora, are you listening?" Kairi interrupts his thoughts cautiously, lightly shaking his hand that is hanging close to her face. She shakes it a little harder.

Sora snaps back into reality, almost getting whiplash from the unexpected force. He stares down at Kairi warily. "I'm sorry," he apologizes halfheartedly. "I didn't sleep well last night and haven't eaten yet today."

Neither of those statements were lies. He realizes that his promising smile has faded and has been replaced by a troubled frown. It's hard to pretend – for someone as naturally cheerful (despite constant difficulties) as Sora – that someone like him would be upset for any trifle reason. His most depressing points in life were during his adventures, where he was scouring the worlds for Kairi and Riku, bargaining with anyone who would give him information.

"You've been really out of it recently," Kairi points out, dropping Sora's arm from her shoulder and holding his hand in her own, squeezing it. Her hand is warm. His own is ice cold. She glances down at it, confused. She dismisses it as a simple case of the chills.

Sora smiles sheepishly. "Puberty?" he offers with lack of a better excuse.

Kairi smiles warmly and stops walking. Sora follows. They stand there together on the loch, sunrise on the horizon over white-capped mountains in the distance. How could a place so beautiful, so serene, be just on the other side of the woods behind Sora's house? He never understood. He probably never could. The murky water holds fish, foliage, and various aquatic creatures that have yet to be discovered. There is one creature in particular that always fascinates the people from out of town. Kairi knew only bits and pieces of the story, having moved after the year in school that taught about local legends.

"They say that a giant, serpent-like monster lives in this lake," he begins. His eyes flash before glazing over in a daze focused on a rock in the center of the lake. "It only comes up for air once every two and a third years. When he does, whoever he spies first will have good fortune."

Kairi, seeming interested enough, stares up at Sora's stoic face, requesting that he continue his storytelling. Sora tries to pull out an agreeable smile, but nothing can come of his attempt. His face stays stone cold, his eyes dead as a doornail.

"It depends on what you mean by 'good fortune' though," Sora notes. "Rumors say that one person who was seen by the beast ended up having every person close to them falling in love with them. Some say they won the lottery after meeting eyes with the beast. And some say that eternal, natural happiness follows whoever meets the monster. But you know what I got when it saw me?"

Kairi's eyes go wide in amazement. She stacks her other hand on top of the same of Sora's that she's already holding, eager to hear the rest. "You saw the serpent?" she asks, fascinated.

"You bet. Want to know what I got out of it?" he asks with an undertone that a real pessimist would use successfully. Kairi nods. "The day I saw that thing I thought I was the luckiest kid in the world. I thought I was going to be rich and famous and prosperous and everything that my parents aspired to and failed to live up to. I thought I was going to be the first one in our family to do something great.

What I got came to me three days later in the form of my Keyblade." He glares at the water. It ripples in response. "If that was my _fortune_ from that ridiculous myth, then that is the _worst_ fortune anyone could ever wish for. I don't know who would want the burden that thing gave me when I got it."

He mocks the incident when he received it. "It was wrapped up all nice and it had no tag or anything. It was just sitting next to me when I woke up with this weird note taped to it. Next thing I knew I was fighting Heartless and the Unknown and doing all this insane stuff I never would've chosen for myself. The first time I killed something with it I totally lost my mind. The little thing just went _poof_ and disappeared."

Kairi gazes sympathetically at Sora, wishing there was something she could do to help him. If only he had the slightest distraction. Maybe that's all he needs is a distraction—something to take his mind away from reality and send him somewhere better for a moment or two.

Kairi reaches up with both hands and cups his face in her hands, turning him so his attention is forced onto her and her presence. Sora is startled and stumbles a bit. Kairi's hold on him is too strong – yet shockingly gentle and affectionate – to let him move. Without another word from either of them, the strawberry-haired girl leans in slowly. Sora realizes he's about to get his first kiss at a late seventeen years of age. He doesn't know what to do. He has no idea to react.

_Don't let her kiss you!_ Something inside him screams. It screams loud enough that Sora worries Kairi might be able to hear it. _Do not let her kiss you, Sora._

Slowly, ignoring the warning bells, Sora wraps his arms around Kairi's waist, pulling her slightly closer to him. She blushes in a way that even Sora has to admit is adorable on her. He's never seen her eyes _quite that blue_ and he's never seen her cheeks _quite that red_ and he doubts there is a single moment in time he has ever seen her looking _quite that appealing._

He tries to quiet the subtle desire he has to kiss her. He tries to hide it or throw it in a box or lock it in a cage like a roughhousing bulldog.

_Sora, I'm only going to say this one more goddamn time. If you don't listen to me I'll make sure you regret it. Let go of Kairi and don't kiss her. Or else._

That voice… strangely familiar as it is and no matter how strong the urge to obey it may be, Sora refuses to follow the orders of some anonymous puppeteer. He is no toy. He is not usable. He refuses to be so. The thought infuriates him.

In an act not of passion but defiance, Sora swiftly crushes his lips against Kairi's, not sure whether or not she'd pull away from the rough treatment. By the way she whimpers, shocked, into the kiss, he wouldn't doubt it if she shoved him away and slapped him at this point.

But she doesn't push him away. She doesn't slap him. She moves her mouth against his, their lips molding together imperfectly. Something about the kiss is very wrong… It doesn't work. They just don't… _fit_. Kairi doesn't seem to notice, but Sora does.

The rather obnoxious voice in his head laughs openly. With the sound of that laugh, Sora automatically knows who's disturbing his peace.

_Tsk, tsk, Sora. It's too bad you didn't listen. Now I'm just going to have to punish you._

Sora's eyes shoot open wide. He forces Kairi off of him, tearing her hands off of his face and leaping back like she has burned him. Multiple things swirl in her eyes—dissatisfaction, anger, rejection… Those are just a few of the ones he can pick out. The others are deadly. She opens her mouth to yell at him, eyes narrowing into a glare. Then…

She stops.

Everyone, everything, even the subtle shifting of the lake's water placement stops. The wind stops blowing other than a suspiciously tame gust that whirls in a circle behind Sora. When it departs in a flash of light, Roxas is standing there, body racked with laughter.

Sora's jaw drops. "H-how did you-?"

Roxas shakes his head, smirk indefatigable. "You didn't listen to me, Sora. I told you not to kiss her."

Sora fumes. He hates when people order him around. He hates when anyone dares to _try_ giving him orders. He can handle himself perfectly well. "What if I wanted to, huh?" Sora exasperates. "You can't control me."

Roxas arches an eyebrow in amusement. "Is that a challenge?" Roxas asks, moving one hand painfully slowly down his side, as if trying to make Sora nervous. Sora can't help but stare. The simple action has him riveted. Roxas fingers dip smoothly into his pocket, from which he pulls out a knife. In his other hand he summons his Keyblade. He holds it out. "Here," Roxas orders, "Take it."

Sora, incapable of denying Roxas' orders, reaches over and takes the hilt of the Keyblade in his hand. He stares at the knife in Roxas' other hand. "What," Sora nervously gulps, "are you going to do with that?"

The teasing smirk contorts into pure _evil_ as Roxas turns to Kairi, blade of the knife readied against his finger, and begins to cut her.

.

I tear my **heart** open, I sew **myself** shut.  
My **weakness** is that I care too much.  
My **scars** remind me that the past is real.

.

**A/N: **Yeah, that's right; I'm going to torture Kairi. What of it? I think it is fun to torture characters—namely Kairi because she's a little bit more than useless. I'm not a Kairi-basher, but I'm not a fan of her. I like Naminé, but not Kairi. That's understandable, right? I think it is. So why don't you do me an itsy-bitsy favor and review, tell me what you think? I have tons of plans for this story and where it could go. :D

Sometimes you just need a little push from the readers.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sora, Roxas, Riku, the Keyblade, or Kairi. That includes the couple lines at the top I took from the _Kingdom _Hearts games. I also don't own the lyrics to _Scars_ by Papa Roach. (But I own the serpent.)


	3. III

**Three**

Shred by shred, a frozen Kairi's skin folds itself in the grass as if trying to protect itself by huddling together like penguins would in the dead of winter trying to resist the harsh effects of the weather. Beneath the layers of Kairi's skin are layers of blood oozing out of her body. In anger, Roxas stabs some places on her body.

Her throat splays blood like a hose. Her shoulder oozes the rusty red liquid, slowly going limp from the loss of the stream now flowing down her body.

Roxas stares at Kairi disapprovingly, pursing his lips. He holds the knife up to the hem of her mini-dress at the bottom. "This just won't do," he whispers pleasantly, cutting a slit all the way up the front of the dress. It collapses to the ground weakly, making subtle rustling noises as it crushes a few dandelions. Its bloodstained fabric lies there, discarded.

Upon losing the dress, Kairi's near-naked body is revealed. She is only wearing a thong – to which Roxas says, "See I told you not to kiss her-she's a slut" – and a strapless bra that leaves less to the imagination than the panties do.

Roxas, careful and articulate with the sharp end of the knife, cuts into her bare stomach, savoring the feeling of his fingers running over the warm flesh. Her skin is soft. Now it is bloody and reeks of open flesh and what presumably is the odor of decaying bones.

Sora's stomach churns, disturbed by the sight. He wants to throw up. He wants to run away and pretend he never saw any of this. He wants to go back and _not kiss_ Kairi!

_Kiss me, kill me_ held a sensible place in Sora's thoughts for the first time in his life. Just standing here isn't going to stop Roxas from cutting her to pieces. Just standing here isn't going to make a difference. But what can he do? He can't move.

Roxas has him cornered, right where he wants him. The dark side of Sora just started the game and the light side Sora just lost it.

"Roxas… stop," Sora pleads inaudibly.

The dark being stops in his tracks, hands retreating from Kairi's broken body. Something washes over Roxas, causing his eyes to change and his tense atmosphere to dissipate. Now that he has been stopped, Sora tries to figure out what to do about Kairi.

"Is she… dead?" Sora asks mildly, scared of the answer he might receive.

Roxas' obedient expression and innocent face both twist into riot and agitation. "Of course she's not _dead_. I can't kill someone in your world, dumbass," he says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides, if I killed her you'd be upset, wouldn't you? Then I'd have to deal with it constantly."

Sora nods cautiously, trying to understand the way this works. "Let me get this straight," Sora begins.

He's quickly interrupted. "For future reference, nothing about me is straight." Roxas smirks. "If you try to pretend that you are, you'll regret it."

Heat rises in Sora's face. He looks away, trying to be angry. "That's not what I was going to say, but whatever…" he mutters. _I should've known. He's way too pretty to be straight. Wait, what am I thinking? _"Stop putting thoughts in my head," Sora demands.

Roxas' eyes flash again and he averts his eyes regretfully.

_Is he… listening to me? What happened to the cocky bastard from the other day?_

Roxas whispers, "I'm not a cocky bastard."

Sora scoffs and looks at Kairi's crumpling body. "You could've fooled me. Do you even feel _bad_ about what you've done to her?"

After hearing that, Roxas blinks back tears. Where they are coming from, he doesn't know. And it disturbs him that tears would even consider coming out of him. He's too strong for this. He doesn't need this weakness.

His face goes hard. "Not as bad as you do."

With that, he disappears in a similar flash of light to the one he appeared in. He leaves, Kairi convulses before collapsing to her knees. She clutches her stomach. She looks down slowly, wincing at the pain shooting through her neck and back, causing her gut to wrench hard.

Sora's eyes go wide. He kneels down beside her. He calls out to her, but she's lost in the pain plaguing her body. She squeezes her eyes shut.

"It's like someone… cut off my skin and lit it on fire!" Kairi hisses between grit teeth. She cries. "It burns! Water!" she screams incomprehensibly. "Water…" she whispers. "Water…" she repeats, rocking back and forth on her knees.

Sora carefully lifts her, but she shrieks as he does so. She curls up in his arms and screams, her voice going scratchy. She clings to Sora's chest, begging him to get her water to soothe the burning. As he cradles her in his arms – those secretly quivering beneath her muscle weight – he dips her into the lake. Her feet touch the water, toes curl and shiver. Sora's do as well when he steps in. Slowly, he lowers her deeper into the water. Her ankles go under. Then her knees and her rear touch the chilling lake. Kairi bites her lip in pain, trying her hardest not to scream. The burning sensation washing over her body is terrifying and disgusting. She feels like someone cut her to shreds. She thinks someone actually might have cut her to shreds for real. Sora always did keep strange company.

As her hips and abdomen sink into the water under Sora's careful supervision, Kairi shrieks ear-piercingly. Sora has to squeeze his eyes shut and push the sound away. The screaming doesn't stop as she cloaws at Sora's shirt, her knails digging into his chest, pleading him to make the pain go away. But there's nothing he can do.

Well, nothing that _this_ side of him can do.

_Or is there?_

If Roxas wasn't such an asshole he would've left some hint as to going about stopping Kairi's jarring screams. There has to be something he's not thinking of.

Sora looks down at Kairi, her face flushed and hair a mess; her knuckles white; her eyes clenched shut.

"Just stop the burning…" she cries into his shoulder. "I don't care what it takes. Just stop the pain."

Sora averts his gaze and steadily exposes her to more of the lake, ignoring her screams as he does so, trying to think of some way to stop her pain.

_There's a key solution to every problem; a key for every lock._

His eyes go wide in realization of what he just implied. _No way. I..._

He thinks of the aggrieved screams tearing from Kairi's lips; the way her eyes clamp shut; the way her tears soak through his shirt. This is all Roxas' fault and Sora now hates him for it. Random thought, yes it is. But at the same time he'll never be able to forgive Roxas for this. It doesn't matter how many worlds they save together. It doesn't matter what kind of amends Roxas will try to make for this. The only way to stop her pain is to stop her heart.

_Kairi… I'm sorry._

He gently allows her to float in the water on her own, afraid that she'll drown before he can help her. He fears she'll drift away, left to writhe in pain for what may be her last hours. But he refuses to let that happen. He calls the Keyblade to his hand.

_If this is the only way… it's what she would want._

"Please, Sora…" a final cry escapes her lips. "Make it stop… Make it stop…" her voice trails into a whisper before she relaxes, body still twitching from the cool shock on her skin.

Needing no more permission, Sora presses the Keyblade through her chest in one good stab, refusing to look as he does so. Kairi's body arches into the pressure. She lets out a small gasp. Her eyes shoot open, locking on Sora.

"So…ra…" she chokes. With her head tilting back, a look of hatred and remorse rests on her soft features. Her heart rises from her chest and floats feet before her and Sora's eyes. It's within touching distance.

Sora reaches out to touch it, but the moment his fingers skim the outer protective barrier it shoots into the sky, joining Kingdom Hearts somewhere in the realm of light.

Defeated, Sora tosses his Keyblade to the ground. It clambers but disappears shortly after settling. Sora sighs and shuffles in the direction of his house. Riku chases him when he realizes that Kairi isn't with him.

"Sora, where's Kairi?" Riku asks, concerned. He puts a hand on Sora's shoulder.

Sora turns away and closes his eyes. _Don't look at him. It'll only make it worse. Whatever you do don't look at him. What am I even bothering thinking for when Roxas can just alter my thoughts? This is really annoying. _

"Kairi? She's elsewhere," Sora bullshits, plastering a fake smile to his face. It doesn't reach his eyes but for once riku doesn't take notice. The one time out of millions he doesn't take notice and it hast to be at this particular moment. "She left. Thought it'd be cool to take a new route home."

Riku furrows his eyebrows. "You expect me to believe that."

It isn't a question.

Sora tries to look sheepish. "I guess so?"

It isn't a statement.

Riku pauses, eyebrows puckering together in thought. Sora continues looking innocent. They stay like this for a few minutes until a thought cracks against the back of Sora's head like a brick. It's quiet. It's mild. And most of all, it's… sad. It's upsetting to hear the thought, but Sora can't refuse to listen.

Roxas whispers regretfully into Sora's mind, "_I'm sorry_."

Sora's heart hits his ribs. He tears his gaze from Riku's and looks at the ground, his bare feet, and the little dandelion squished beneath one of them. "I have to go home," Sora tells Riku, apology in his eyes. Riku frowns, disappointment blatant. Sora, unable to bear his friends sadness, asks, "Want to walk me home?"

Riku reaches around Sora, settling his arm around the smaller boy's shoulder. "Always," he says, pulling Sora closer into him.

Sora doesn't ignore the pang somewhere deep in the recesses of his heart that he assumes are Roxas' feelings. He doesn't ignore the way it hurts. He doesn't ignore the sadness rushing through it. The reasons are unclear and murky like the loch, but the result is clear like a summer day.

Sora doesn't say a single word the entire walk home.

X

"Roxas!" Sora yells, anger pointed at the boy sitting nonchalantly on _his_ bed in _his_ room in _his_ house. How he even manages to appear these places is beyond the brunet. It also pisses him off greatly. No one should be permitted this much control. Maybe it's like currency exchange rates—Roxas' power is worth more in Sora's world and Sora's will be worth less in Roxas' world but worth a lot in other worlds. Kind of like the US Dollar. What happened to the pity and sadness, you ask?

Sora entered his house like he left it a few mornings ago—with no parents, nothing out of place, and everything suspiciously perfect. The only thing different is that this time there wasn't a stranger sitting in his bathroom. Oh no. It was a lot worse. Roxas was sitting on Sora's bed as if it was his own, staring listlessly out the window, eyes glassy. Sora didn't care that Roxas randomly showed up; it was probably going to be a frequent thing from here on-out.

No, it was the fact Sora's notebook had been fanned through and was now slightly out of place. Roxas' presence's mark had been made the second he opened that book. And the things in there were to be kept quiet.

Pages upon pages of philosophy… List after list of _Top 10s _and _Best Of-s_…

Poorly-attempted doodles in the small margins…

Short story after short story revealing Sora's innermost thoughts, desires, and dreams rested safely within those pages and Roxas had taken it upon himself to ruin that.

"If this is for what I did to Kairi, I—"

"This isn't about Kairi," Sora interrupts, holding his hand up defiantly. It's coldly funny how the loss of his notebook completely overshadows the passing of one of his best friends.

Roxas turns around curiously, wondering what it is he could've _possibly_ done wrong this time. He hasn't even been nearby for a few days and he's already managed to piss off his other half. It has to be a new record. The only other person who could possibly have pissed off their Other that quickly would be Axel and Axel doesn't care enough to try finding his now-deceased Other. But Roxas—his is still alive and well. It's an easy advantage.

"This isn't about Kairi," Sora repeats. He points to the notebook on the floor next to his pile of dirty laundry. It used to be on his nightstand. Now it's on the floor. Oh, the germs that would breed on it. "You went through my notebook."

Roxas snorts, shrugging it off. "It isn't anything I don't already know."

'_Isn't anything I don't already know'_ _MY ASS._ Sora inwardly yells in Roxas' face. Roxas hears it loud and clear, grabbing his ear. He grumbles. Sora huffs, "Honestly, Roxas, I wouldn't mind you being here if you were more considerate of the person around you. If you want my help so bad then you have to earn it." He adds agitatedly, "_You're lucky I'm even considering helping you at all since you're from the darkness and all, but no that doesn't seem to matter because OH LOOK, MY NAME'S ROXAS AND I KILLED THE GOOD GUY'S BEST FRIEND,"_ but it goes unheard and unspoken. It turns out to be nothing more than a passing thought that couldn't get out.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Roxas asks, paying no attention to the snappy comment. Confused or just pissy, Sora can't tell which he is. Either way it's really off-putting. But something in Roxas' eyes is hungry, akin to a lion preparing to pounce on its prey.

"It _means_ you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar," Sora says slowly like he's talking to a child. "No one will want to be around you if you're an ass like this."

Roxas purses his lips in thought for a moment, but the thought seems to go as quickly as it came. Roxas – instead of looking like a mopey puppy – looks very much like the cocky bastard Sora makes him out to be. A smirk is on the blond demon's lips and his eyes are thirsty, drinking in as much of Sora as they can. Roxas leaps off of Sora's bed, walking over to him in a slinky, cat-like way. His steps follow each other flawlessly, his hands twitching at his sides in nervous excitement. Without waiting for Sora to register the situation – aside from the furious blush on his cheeks – Roxas grabs him by the wrist and throws him against the wall. Sora squeaks unintentionally, his blush becoming one more of embarrassment than anger.

Roxas leans in very close to Sora's face, slowly sliding one of his hands under the brunet's shirt. He trails all the way up to Sora's shoulder, where he flips the knife – where did that come from? – up and cuts the fabric, causing the arm of the tee to fall, leaving half of Sora's taut torso exposed. The little cutter lightly presses into Sora's collarbone. It's dragged along the bone in a wavy, curved line until it reaches the center of his chest. Sora sinks his teeth into his lower lip. His darkest secret is that he always enjoys pain.

Why do you think he tried killing himself? It would have been the ultimate ecstasy. His life really blew too, but that was only a small fraction of it. It was so much more. The pressure against is soft skin; the sharp pains to his sensitive spots; all of it provided him with a high.

_So that's why he does it… _

Sora theorizes that Roxas acts the way he does because he knows it's what Sora would like.

_He wants to be what I want him to be..? Why in hell would anyone want that?_

Roxas leans in and presses his surprisingly soft lips to the side of Sora's face, his ear, then satisfyingly bites the cartilage. Sora suppresses the moan that _aches_ in his throat, begging to be released. The stabbing pain feels _fucking amazing._

"Sometimes," Roxas whispers, breath cold against Sora's scorching skin, "Flies _want_ vinegar. It makes them _hot_."

Sora, in an unrelenting moment of desire, smacks the knife from Roxas' hand. Roxas doesn't watch it fall. He doesn't watch it slide under the laundry. Sora grabs either side of Roxas' face and kisses him hard on the mouth. It's over too soon though because Roxas ruins it by smirking like the asshole he is. Sora shoves him away duly. Roxas still smirks.

Sora tells him suggestively, "_Vinegar_ only gets you so far. _Honey_ gets them right where you want them."

.

**Monster… **How should I **feel**?  
**Creatures **lie here **looking** through the window.

.

**A/N:** I don't even know how I feel about killing Kairi so soon. Too much too fast? I don't even know. Not like I care much anyway. It's just a story. :P It's a story which I am thoroughly enjoying writing. X] Hope you liked the chapter. REVIEW. This is just beginning and I don't want it to die D: Also, I already had the smidgey little Sora-Roxas action. You have to appreciate it, right..? Sorry about the late-ish update. O.O

I always think of a squirrel when I see that.

o.o

And I always think of a chipmunk when I see that…

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own the characters or the Keyblade. I think I should own this situation/plot though because I'm effing cool like that. And the lyrics at the end: property of Meg & Dia's song _Monster_. Look it up, will you?


	4. An Author Note

**The A/N to End all A/Ns**

**A/N**: It's been… a long time since I've worked with FFN to say the least. It's been a long time since I've written quite a few of these stories. So to do everyone a favor, I'm going to put this note up on all the old stories that were going to be updated and mention the condition of each. Sounds like a plan to me. In the meantime, I'd like to thank everyone who's ever taken the time to review a LIT story. It's been a decent road that I hope to hop back on this season, inspired by my good friend _FreeKiwi_. If you've never read his stories, you should. They're sights for sore eyes, lemme tell ya.

Anyway, I'm sure a lot of the people that used to read my stories are gone by now and it might only be new people that read this note, but no matter who you are it doesn't matter. Because we all have one thing in common…

FAAAANFICTIOOOONNNN. (Trollolololzors?)

Without further ado, I give you the plans! Going in order from oldest update to newest with these stories. Blasts from the past are win!

**X**

Shades of Destiny: 99.999% chance this will never be updated again. Marking it as complete as I have a new videogame love that is NOT Riku sadly. This story was fun for a little bit but I didn't even like it's parallel-sequel that I'd written first so to be honest it's probably better that it never gets updated.

80 Days of You: I'd originally been writing this with a friend of mine whom I'm not longer in close contact with. I miss her terribly since she's moved but I guess this is just the way things go. Marking it as complete, never updating.

Defining Alive: Our Pact: This story was the _definition_ of planning and not following through. Believe me…I have an entire outline for the series sitting somewhere on my computer. If you want the outline for the series or would like to take the outline and write the story from here on out the way you'd like, feel free to inbox me and be my guest. It was a good idea but the odds of me updating it are low… Then again since I've been a twisted fuck lately it might come back. Who knows.

Muse: Marking as complete. Not updating. Nuff said.

Or Never: I'm relatively sure that this story, if this note gets read, will be the only thing anyone cares about. It was a good run of a story, but my writing style has changed a lot since the original _Matchstick Houses_ and even _Or Never_ itself. I can't guarantee I won't come back and try to fix the whole thing or come back and finish it in my new style. Not marking it as complete because in my head it's not. It still hasn't reached the end. QQ

Fad: I didn't even like writing this. Marking as complete. Never updating.

Ink: See above.

Country Gentleman: I liked this idea. Might come back to it. The short chapters meant I could write it in short spurts and not feel guilty about it.

My SVS: And here's where you'll start thinking, "BUT CARA/SCOTTY/WHOEVER THE HELL YOU ARE! I THOUGHT SVS WAS OVER!" I'll be more than obliged to say, "Yes, random awkward fan, it is. But it's very, _very_ possible I'll continue with the story based off of the true ending, _Wishful Thinking_ (if anyone remembers that. It's been a fucking year). Everyone thought that the first ending was the legitimate one. So did I, to be honest. But looking back on it, if I want to continue this story it _will _be, for a fact through the final ending that I offered of the story. Shit. I already have plans.

New Stories to Possibly Come!

_Perfect World:_ While I've been gone, I've been playing Perfect World International and private servers of PWI. If you know anything about it, I'm on Dreamweaver for PWI, PWBD, and PWV as well as PWR. _In a Perfect World_ would essentially be the true stories of what I did over Summer 2011 and my time on PWBD. It's actually rather dramatic, sad, and heartwarming. You'd be surprised. o.o So I think that'd be a fun tale to share with the world.

_Final Fantasy X/X-2:_ I don't have a title because I haven't really worked on it much yet. It's kind of something I dabble with between hours of fighting Evrae e.e But it could easily become more than that and most likely will.

_Kingdom Hearts:_ YEAH BABY. That's what you wanted to hear, right? It's all about Kingdom fucking Hearts, man. Is it going to be yaoi? Probably not. The relationship I'm currently in reminds me a lot of Roxas and Namine when it comes to characters. So if I come back the stories most likely _won't_ be the AkuRoku you know and love. D: And since I actually dislike Kairi odds are there won't be a SoKai going on there. She reminds me of a typical teenage dumb bitch and it's _so_ aggravating!

**X**

Thank you so much for reading this note if you did. I hope to reconnect with the FF community and see what's been going on. I went back and read some old stories recently that reminded me what it was all about and why I enjoyed it so much.

Authors that managed to do this without even realizing it include **Verovex, FreeKiwi, **and **XShiori-chanX. **Gosh I don't even know if two out of the three are still on here anymore :( It's been so long.

See you on the other side, readers. And if you ARE reading this note, thank you. I love you. o.o


End file.
